I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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