I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
