It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
