I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
