That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
