Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Randomize
