So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
