I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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