Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you win again, gameday.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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