yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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