I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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