i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
