Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
