White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
