i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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