Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
