all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
