Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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