I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just pee around me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
