Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
