You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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