Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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