a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
