my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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