hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize