I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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