Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
