you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
