there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
