First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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