Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
