Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize