Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
