the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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