take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
