man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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