you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
