worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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