TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
