If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
