life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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