How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
