you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
