can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
