I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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