Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
