so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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