I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
