i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
