I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
