when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
