She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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