the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
