She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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