We're facebook friends in real life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
