I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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