He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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