i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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