We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
