Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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