Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Four minutes until I can fart!
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
