dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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