Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
